Thursday, February 03, 2005

Singapore Sling

The apprentice gets more worrying each day. He has told us so many tales, but every so often he uncorks a stultifying mindfuck of a story. Today was such a day. It goes back to his time in Her Majesty's Navy, when he travelled the world, seeing very little of it as he was pished most of the time. On this particular occasion, a party of colleagues were offshore, enjoying the finest of food and wines in an upmarket restaurant in Singapore. He was unable to join them mostly because they chose to exclude him from their group on this particular occasion. They also chose to goad him, rather unwisely from the comfort of their restaurant, taunting him with forkfuls of tasty morsels and raising their glasses in salute. I say unwisely as the apprentice can adopt a bitter attitude if riled. Bitter enough to search the filthy streets of Singapore in monsoon season for any humungous, bloated, dead rat that may have been lying around in a state of decay for weeks. Bitter enough to run into the restaurant, and throw said rat into the middle of their table onto the crisp linen table cloth and silver tableware, whereupon it did burst and discharge its contents. Pretty much what you might imagine a week old dead bloated rat might contain. Needless to say he hoofed it toot sweet, leaving the assembled diners to wretch and spew their assorted rings*. (*vomit uncontrollably)

posted by timesnewroman at 8:36 PM  

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