Sunday, November 28, 2004

Despite Killie getting stuffed by Livingston yesterday, its been a particularly enjoyable weekend so far. The cold has well subsided, and work, of a sort, has resumed. Friday was thewife's birthday and she seemed quite pleased with the smelly stuff she received. Friday was also the sate of our latest "Who wants to be a a Millionaire?" style quiz night in aid of funds for the Woodies. Not the busiest night for a while but Jim Stewart managed to squeeze the dosh out of people nonetheless. thewife was asking the questions in her best Ann Robinson impression. First of four rounds and I am doing quite well, last one in at �8,000 and I have used all my lifelines in trying to figure out who Sean Penn's current wife is. Successfully worked it out only to be stumped by the next question which was along the lines of who was the only Briton to hold the World, Olympic, European and Commonwealth record for whatever in nineteen ninety something. It was between Linford Christie, Colin Jackson, Sally Gunnel and Jonathan Edwards. Of course it was Linford Christie, but I took the money......well the points as I just wasn't sure.

Liz N is up second for us and is mortified at the fact she went out at 300 points, by misunderstanding a poorly worded question. This is very not her.

The quiz is a fun mass spectator event, with 4 rounds and four people per team. The answers are held up on cards, so there's no real opportunity for cheating except for the odd signal from colleagues in the audience. Lady El is up 3rd and is doing well, then there's a question asking which animal the term "ursine" refers to. The councillor and I are desperately trying to attract her attention to our "bearing" our chests. The man opposite is doubled up laughing as it suddenly dawns on us that Hare was also an option and its too late to do anything about it. Fortunately she opts for Bear which means we are in with a shout of winning.

We use the boardgame questions and for this one A&R have brought along the new version. Normally our quizzes last the whole evening, but we think the questions have got harder as no-one has got more than 8,000 in the four rounds, which means we are finished far earlier than expected. So we have another round and this time we let Liz N in for a another shot and damned if she doesn't get up to �500,000.

Saturday and thewife and I went out to celebrate her birthday with a meal at the Ship Inn. Bloody fabulous it was.

So the weekend is almost over and I still haven't had the chance to sample my beers for the good beer blog.

posted by timesnewroman at 10:42 AM  

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Tuesday, November 23, 2004

I�ve been laid low over the past few days, which made for a pretty unremarkable weekend. I developed a sore throat last Wednesday, which by Thursday had become a cold. By late Thursday afternoon colleagues were encouraging me to bugger off home before I began smiting them. To be fair I needed little encouragement, off home I went and grabbing some much needed supplies from Tesco on the way. Off to bed with some books, and a toddy, where I have pretty much remained.
I received a kind invitation to write about beer, from Alan at Gen X at 40 who has established a new good beer blog. The good bit about that is you get to drink it as well, unfortunately the blog budget doesn�t stretch to expenses, nevertheless a labour of love is reward in itself. I have lined up a few bottles, which will have to wait until the cold ebbs.

posted by timesnewroman at 9:53 AM  

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Thursday, November 18, 2004

Oh Fuck!

I am all in favour of having minorities and under-represented groups in positions of power. How come though, when it does happen, its always the wrong fucking ones?

posted by timesnewroman at 9:13 AM  

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Sunday, November 14, 2004

Nowadays I love weekends, can't wait till the come round. Its not that I have any difficulty getting up for work, I just like long lay-ins and cooking, eating and drinking. This weekend was no exception, except for the increased eating and drinking bit.

Our admin worker at work left some time ago (okay almost a year) and we had never really gotten round to a proper send off, so now we did. I'm not a great fan of Chinese food as thewife will testify (she says I have never really tasted Chinese food on account of years of vegetarianism and the lack of proper Chinese restaurants in the neighbourhood) however we went to the Jade Garden in Glasgow and had a pre theatre (2 weeks in a row) and I had Szechuan Duck which was really quite good. I had to head off early though as it was the Councillor's 50th Birthday.

The Councillor reluctantly agreed to gather with friends from near and far (London) to have a bit of a party in the Water Sports Club - Cheap Drink and they had a Scottish theme night. I cringed at thought of this but as it turned out, there was nothing more tacky than Saltires decking the place out. A nice well chosen, range of tunes by Scottish artists, some interesting snacks including haggis rolls and Vol' au Vents with haggis neeps and mash. To cap it all there was a quiz, I came 3rd equal, thewife came 2nd, more familiar than I with Hue and Cry and the number of players in a Shinty Team - 12. I was pleased when nobody at all knew where Rob Roy McGregor was buried. I didn't even know he had died. After too many pints we were ready to head home, when the Karaoke started and another pint arrived for me, so there was nothing else for it than a shot at Fire and Rain. I've done that before and I really must remember that I have no idea whatsoever how the middle eight goes.

All that and Saturday night invited round by the Councillor to try some of his myriad bottles of Malt and a quiet night of stories and songs with the Londoners.

Sunday already and preparing for the quiz. What's the chance of being asked the Capital of Surinam?

posted by timesnewroman at 2:21 PM  

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Friday, November 12, 2004

Apparently there was football played on Wednesday night. Not that I had any great interest in it, since Kilmarnock are no longer involved in the stupid first cup of the season which is ticket to nowhere anyway. This particular game involved both halves of the Old Firm, who shall remain nameless, nevertheless following extra time there was a winner, which meant that the apprentice was not in the best of moods for the entire day. Its is perhaps forunate that his team have ove the last few years not lost any of these fixtures otherwise he may have been difficult to placate.

His mood was even more pronounced following lunchtime, when he had to go into town to purchase the weekly magazine of the other team (fropm their club shop) for his son, who is a fan of the other team. He just couldn't stand to see their staff happy!



posted by timesnewroman at 6:51 AM  

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Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Fact - God Evolved from Monkeys

Where the fuck do these crazies get off? Now their election results begin to make sense. I visited one of these evangelical websites recently, for a laugh. Crazy as fuck. They had this campaign going to have the "One Nation Under God" oath of allegiance reintroduced to schools. I sent them an email suggesting that they would get support from the Catholics, Jews, Muslims etc., if they changed it just slightly to read "One nation under gods." I'm still waiting on word from them.

posted by timesnewroman at 6:40 AM  

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Saturday, November 06, 2004

thewife and I were well entertained last night. Started off with a fabulous dinner at a wee Italian bistro followed by several pints and a brilliant gig by the The Trashcan Sinatras. First time I have been in Cottiers, absolute knock out venue. Converted gothic church with lots of stained glass and ornate features, nevertheless an intimate set in an intimate setting. Frank's voice has got better and better and the band are older, better and in Paul's case balder. Fabulous night had by one and all.

posted by timesnewroman at 2:45 PM  

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Thursday, November 04, 2004

Been too busy to post. Well no the opposite actually, done nothing worth posting about and nowt much happening in the world unless you count some cruddy election where morons get to vote for an imbecile. I've decided I'm going to let it wash over me until they come knocking at my door. Just in case anyone out there is feeling a bit depressed though, I feel I have to share an email from Father Bell. Usually when you get a pile of "funnys" in an email there is the odd amusing one amongst the whole bunch. In this instance they were pretty much all involved in painful tear wrenching laughter. I was going to ration them but what the fuck, now Dubya's back who knows how long we've got.

Here you are then, the best one liners frm the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be sh*tting herself.

My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but Iwas never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "Allright, but we're not going to get much done."

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".

Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.

Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". Thehardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little see saw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign:"This door is alarmed." I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"

posted by timesnewroman at 10:16 PM  

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